Tag Archives: dating

Inertia

Inertia. It’s the state of not moving or not changing direction. Sometimes it’s so easy to find yourself there. You’re just going along going along.  Being where you’re supposed to be when you’re supposed to be there. Taking the path of least resistance.

But sooner or later, someone or something needs to shake you out of it. Maybe it’s a movie that inspires you to do something new. Maybe it’s a change in the weather. Maybe it’s something you read. (A blog, perhaps?)

So, I ask you…have you done something completely unexpected lately? Or are you coasting through your days, crossing things off your “to do” list without giving a thought to your bucket list. Don’t put yourself last. Choose one thing this week, a simple thing but something you didn’t do last week or the week  before. Do it because you want to do it. Bring someone with you and shake them out of their rut, too.

Put it on your “to do” list if you have to.

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Filed under Advice, Worth the Effort

Story Time (for adults)

Think of it as story time for grownups…a “Kiss and Tell” with no awkward repercussions or slaps in the face!

We have some great interviews coming up and would like to share your GreenlightCard.com moments (anonymously, of course). Please comment back or email us and let us know how it’s going for you out there in the Real Time Dating World.

  • How did you give out your card?
  • What was the reaction?
  • How does it compare to the experiences you’ve had on some of the online dating sites?
  • What’s better about the GLC “offline” experience?

Just send us an email. Message us on Facebook. Your tweet is our command.

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Filed under Greenlighting

Ouch! Sometimes It Hurts To Think So Hard…

It’s a beautiful day in Tampa, Florida (my apologies to all of you who are dealing with snow and gray skies!), so instead of sitting down at my computer to think about what to write today, I decided to take a little run/walk and think along the way.  I came up with a million things to write about (ok, maybe seven) but finally, what dominated my thoughts was…how much time I spend thinking about everything.

And I wonder if you’re the same way.

In my mind (or to be more honest, in my dreams) I’m impulsive and spontaneous.  I see something I want and without a second thought I go for it.

In reality, I analyze.  I analyze why I want what I want and consider alternatives to the object of my desire.  I weigh how much I want it and what it will cost me (literally and figuratively).  I think about whether I should just wait–if it’s still there and I still want it later, then maybe it’s truly meant to be mine.

With any luck, you’re reading this and thinking “she’s crazy.”  But if you’re thinking “yeah, I do the same thing,” then keep reading.  Because I think this thoughtfulness, this penchant for analysis, this obsession with making sure we make the best possible choices is a serious detriment when it comes to dating.

Dating is easier when you don’t think so much.

Stop worrying about what it means that she was a little weird when you said good night–call her again, anyway.

Stop wondering if he’s interested in you as a girl-friend or a friend-friend and let him know what you’re interested in.

Stop obsessing over whether the flirtatious comment was really meant to be flirtatious and just assume it was.

There’s an easy way to end the “should I or shouldn’t I?” cycle and the painful second-guessing about what to say or how to act– just give someone a Greenlight Card.  It’s not a proposal of marriage, it’s a simple statement of interest.  It’s a compliment that could lead to a date that could lead to more dates that could lead to a relationship.

Oops, there I go again!

What I want you to do is stop right there at “it’s a compliment.”  Don’t think so far ahead.  In fact, stop thinking at all and just act on impulse and see what happens.

Greenlighting works best if  you just do it.

That’s really one of the main reasons to carry Greenlight Cards–they increase the likelihood that you’ll act instead of just thinking about it.  And thinking about it.  And thinking about it.

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Filed under Greenlighting, No More Regrets

Connectivity

I woke up this morning with a headache. And then, to make matters worse, I tried to connect to the Internet and my network “wasn’t available.”

Yesterday, I ended my blog with “connection is why we are here,” and today—no connection.

So I did what I always do when this happens. I tried again.

“None of your preferred networks are available.”

Now, I am a one-network woman.  And when I can’t connect with my network, it makes me very grumpy.  Not to mention, this headache means I am in no mood to deal with a needy network.

I tried again. I restarted the computer. I completely shut it down and then started the computer.  Stubbornly, I tried and I tried and finally considered what the computer was telling me.

“Connection timeout.”

Hmm…maybe I should just accept it.  Time for a new relationship…uh, I mean connection.

But hey, maybe I should try someone else’s network.  That might satisfy me for a while.  I had a few other choices, they were right there in front of me.  But they were someone else’s connections and I’ve heard that using someone else’s connection can lead to viruses.

Annoyed, frustrated, and rejected, I decided I would leave this relationship, I mean connection, completely.  I would head to Starbucks and find a new connection, one that wasn’t anyone else’s.  One that would be there for me when I need him, I mean it. One that was available and ready to connect.

But before heading out to find that new connection, I sat down to write this—realizing that it was okay to spend some time unconnected—comfortable in the knowledge that I would be able to connect later.

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Filed under The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Let There Be Light

The strangest thing happened to me this morning.

The alarm had buzzed and so, as I do every morning, I turned it off, rolled over, and kept my eyes shut.  I lay there thinking of all the reasons I needed to get up, what I needed to do, how long it would take, realizing that every minute I stayed there thinking was a minute of stress I was adding to my morning. And yet, I still couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes.

Several minutes passed as I remained in that cartoon state where one side of my conscience was telling me to get up and the other was saying “just a couple minutes more.”  And then, this very strange thing happened.

The lights above my bed turned on.

Hello! Talk about a wake up call. I am sure there is a scientific explanation for why the lights went on of their own accord, but I’m not a science-y type of girl. The lights were sending me a clear message: “Enough! Stop thinking about what you need to do and just do it!!”

And so, I got up.

And I did all the morning things I had to do and got on with my day.  And I kept thinking…I’ve got to write about this.  And then I wondered whether readers would really believe I didn’t make this up. Was it all an invention in order to put forth that overused, annoying message–“Just do it!”–in a new way?

Well, I am telling you it really happened. And I’m not sure as I write this that the total weirdness of it comes through. So just for a second, go lie down in a very dark room and then picture it gradually but quickly getting lighter and lighter until the room is brightly lit. Like a time lapse scene from a movie only it’s the chandelier and not the sun that’s lighting up your room.

So what’s the takeaway? I think this is something all of us need. And often. Not necessarily to get ourselves out of bed but to get ourselves moving towards something we want but aren’t doing enough to get. It applies to many facets of our lives but of course, since this is GreenlightCard.com’s blog, I’m especially thinking about dating.

Too often, we want to date but we let our busy lives serve as an excuse for not making any effort to meet someone. So we convince ourselves we’re too busy or our lives are too complicated or that we know every available person in town and none of them are right for us.

Enough! Stop thinking about what you need to do and just do it.

You know you won’t meet anyone if you go home after work and just stay there, night after night. You know you won’t meet anyone new if you continue to move in the same exact circles week after week after week. And you know you are VERY UNLIKELY to get a date with the person you’ve been dreaming of if you don’t at least do something obvious to let that person know you’re interested. (Hint, hint–this is where your Greenlight Cards come in handy!)

I’m grateful the lights went on this morning. My day started out smoothly and I’m getting things done. I feel confident and able. And I’ll remember the feeling tomorrow when my alarm buzzes. Maybe, just maybe, it’ll encourage me to get up instead of rolling over for that last five minutes of unproductive procrastination.

As long as the lights don’t decide to turn themselves on at 6:40 a.m. on Saturday morning, I’m good.

 

 

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Filed under Greenlighting, Inspiration

Analysis of a Meetup

Joking around as we head to Greenlight Card's meetup. Clearly, only one of us thought the joke was funny.

Once upon a time, I packed up my college life and moved to Washington, D.C. right after graduation. I found myself surrounded by a giant social web that included college friends, co-workers of college friends, old friends of college friends, you get the idea…everyone had a connection.

We were all within about two degrees of separation, at best.

When we decided to have Greenlight Card’s first meetup in Washington, D.C., I instantly fell into my old ways and checked in with a college friend to find out where we should have our DC Single meetup.

She connected me to a great place, Co Co. Sala, which happens to be run by a Duke grad.  (Yes, that’s where I went to school and apparently Duke grads still flock to D.C. after graduation.)  The Duke connection came through once again…Co Co. Sala was trendy but also warm and comfortable, a perfect spot.

 

Part of our Greenlight Card posse

 

As our  Greenlight Card posse ordered drinks and wondered how many people would show up, our first meetup member arrived. She was bubbly and sweet.  She kept making allusions to  “middle age, “ but she certainly didn’t seem “older” (as she characterized herself) and she planned to go salsa dancing after our meetup.  Add fun and energetic to her stand-out qualities.

Next, more people started arriving—many solo, some with a friend (wingman?)  in tow. What struck me was how diverse the group was and yet how well the group mingled and mixed. Different ages, ethnicities, and job categories.  Some living in D.C., some passing through. Some meetup veterans and some meetup virgins (as we were). Some online daters and some online dating haters.

In short—this was a different D.C. experience for me and finding myself in the midst of a nice mix of strangers was refreshing and fun.

At the meetup, we gave everyone their own set of Greenlight Cards. We talked about what a challenge it can be to meet someone. And we told them about our hope that more people will take a break from their digital devices and experience real-life (offline!) chemisry–and our hope that having Greenlight Cards will empower them to let someone know when they’re interested.

We found the meetup to be a low-key way to meet new people you wouldn’t otherwise meet while following your normal, everyday patterns. Less stressful than a typical singles bar scene. More potential than a night out with friends.

There was one bit of excitement–a dating coach who came for the meetup criticized one young man’s body language. We thought that was sort of rude. The advice wasn’t requested—nor, as it turned out, was it required.

Later, we saw the dating coach leaving after someone accidentally spilled a drink down the front of his shirt. (Karma, perhaps?). So he wasn’t around to see the young man with supposedly deficient body language skills leaving with a sweet girl, also there for the meetup. I guess his interesting story—he was in town for the Marine Corps Marathon—and his down-to-earth manner trumped his “closed stance.”

Have you been to a meetup? What’s your favorite way to meet new people?

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Filed under DC Single Meetup, Greenlighting, meetup, The Single Life, Wingman

Football? Fantasy?

‘Tis the “season.”  You know the one I’m talking about.  Football season. And I’m wondering whether football season is a good thing or a bad thing when it comes to dating.

On the one hand, football encourages lots of casual gatherings.  Rooting for the same team might make for an instant connection.  And all that adrenaline…ooh, baby!  That’s gotta be a good thing (as long as your favorite team is winning).

On the other hand, football can be a huge distraction. Your best intentions–to be a good date or to find one–could easily be thwarted.

Clearly, a little scientific research is in order.

So we’re starting with a survey, for men only.  Take it right now and you might even get lucky.  (We’ve got AMC gift cards up for grabs.)  The survey is fun and super-quick, because we know you’ve got lots of important things to do right now–like checking on your Fantasy Football team.

Here again is the link to the survey.  What are you waiting for? Click it and give us the juicy details about how football affects your love life.

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Filed under Sports, Surveys, The Single Life

Sharing “Intelligence” Gleaned From the Internet

Here are some random things I’ve noticed while cruising the Internet this week—you’ll have to decide what to believe and what not to believe:

  • OKCupid is brilliant when it comes to getting noticed.  Their compilation of findings posted in a blog they titled “The REAL ‘Stuff White People Like,’” has been shared by tens of thousands of people and generated close to 500 comments in two days.  The blog breaks down by ethnicity all kinds of info submitted online.  Personally, I was impressed with their cool graphic rendition of the results:  a box showing a cloud of terms, with bigger font representing the most common terms citied—and male/female icons at the top that allow you to toggle between male and female responses.  The article is fun and doesn’t take itself too seriously, but some of the people commenting do (as usual).

What White Women Like

To see the cool toggle feature, click here to go to the OKCupid blog.

  • Cher was having a hard time meeting men in Las Vegas and, at the suggestion of a friend, joined Facebook.  Now she’s romantically involved with a Facebook friend.  Cher has trouble meeting men?  Really?
  • In an article suggesting you conduct a background check on potential dates (because they might have just been released from prison) comes this gem: “You ought to be aware that you can even run an individuals search on your self.  Imagine if someone has the same name and posted false information online about you.  A possible date discover out about it. Thus, that person can give you a bad reputation. This could prevent your self from getting good dates.”  Ah hah!  I knew there was a reason I didn’t have a date last weekend!!  (And it’s too bad you don’t have to take a writing test before being allowed to post things on the Internet.) If you want to know how to run a background check on someone, don’t bother reading this article, because it doesn’t tell you!
  • Maybe you’ve already heard about SaladMatch.com, an online dating service started by a restaurant called Just Salad.  I knew about it and wrote it off as a marketing stunt, but I’m a little dismayed to be confronted by evidence that even salad lovers can have a sleazy side when it comes to online dating.  Allow me to quote Nick Kenner, the concept’s managing partner: “Our cashiers have told us how customers will come up to them and talk about how they think Salad Match is a great idea,” Kenner says. “Then in the end they’ll say something like, ‘I’m going to join, but don’t tell my husband—he comes to this store, too.’”

So, now that you’ve got a few tidbits to get a conversation going, get off the Internet and go have fun.  It’s Friday and the weekend is officially headed your way!

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Filed under Love, Offline Dating, Online Dating, The Single Life

Seeking

I read a story in the newspaper today about a woman who has been looking for a job for more than a year.  She held several good jobs before being laid off – a victim of the economy.  Even though she did nothing wrong, even though she was not in any way to blame for losing her job, being unemployed has taken a huge toll on her self-esteem.

In many ways, being laid off and finding yourself newly single are really similar, don’t you think?  There’s the anger (why did this happen to me?), the self-blame (I must have done something wrong), the loss of structure and rituals in your day, and — assuming you want to get back out there — the need to “sell” yourself.  Your self-esteem is definitely at risk.  So how do you handle it?

Well, let’s go back to the woman in the article.  After a year of looking, she was really frustrated, as you can imagine.  But she was still trying.  And then one day out of the blue, as she was sitting at a restaurant dutifully scanning through job listings, she struck up a conversation with a man at the next table.

No, he didn’t turn out to be her soul mate or even a potential employer.  But he did have an idea.  He suggested they throw a “pink slip party” — a party that brings employers, recruiters and job seekers together.  The pink slip party gave the woman a purpose.  She was excited to focus on a project that could help herself and other people, too.

Throughout her job hunt, she’d been uncomfortable selling herself, and she still felt that way at the party.  When recruiters asked her about herself, she gave them only a glimpse.  But then, as the party got underway, as she introduced speakers and kept the party going, she was noticed.  The character traits listed on her resume came to life.  The party didn’t end with a fairy-tale match, but she did wake up the next day with new contacts to call.

And I think the story is a good lesson for all of us.  Her job search was jumpstarted by a combination of happenstance and effort.  Her confidence returned when she threw herself into doing something different.  And her best traits showed through when she was busy being herself.

There’s one big difference between looking for a job and looking for a relationship, though.  Most of us need a job to pay our bills — not finding one is usually not an option.

On the other hand, you can give up on the search for a relationship.

You can, but I hope you don’t.

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Filed under Confidence, Inspiration, No More Excuses, No More Regrets

Awkward Encounters

Just the other day, Village Voice blogger Leslie Minora called dating calling cards an example of the way “the Internet dating world keeps one-upping itself with newfangled ways to have awkward encounters with strangers.”

Ouch!  That hurts, especially since the whole idea behind Greenlight Cards is to avoid awkward encounters.  I mean, what’s more awkward than trying to find the words to let someone know you’re interested in getting to know them better?  The words always sound smooth and natural in your head but often don’t come out that way, if they come out at all.  And asking outright means at least one of you will feel awkward if the interest is one-sided.

Thanks to a well-placed exclamation point, the sarcasm practically oozes off the screen when Leslie later says that the receiver of a dating calling card can “start conversation that can, ideally, lead to a perfect match!”

Here’s the thing–online dating sites are drawing millions of people in with the idea of finding their perfect match online.  We don’t think anyone’s perfect, but we absolutely understand the desire to meet “the one.”  The one who doesn’t try to be perfect but is just right for you.  The one you want to make happy and vice versa.  And why couldn’t “the one” be sitting in your favorite coffee shop or coaching your kid’s soccer team?

Greenlight Cards aren’t about honing in on a perfect match.  They’re about boosting your confidence, providing you with a way to make an impression, and  enabling you to make a promise to yourself to stop letting opportunities pass by without at least seeing what might happen if you put yourself out there a little.  In our “ideal” world, the conversation happens first, then the Greenlight Card, then a date and the chance to see whether the initial attraction you felt might lead to more dates.

Toward the end of Leslie’s blog, you’ll see our videos were deemed “cheesy,” which stung a little.  But then she also posted her favorite*, which is the kind of mixed message that can drive you crazy in a new relationship, right?  (It’s like the person who says “I’m not ready to commit” and then invites you to a family wedding.)

So what do you think about our videos?  I happen to think our touch of “cheese” is quite endearing.  And we’d love to see your own cheesy-or-not video about the challenges of being single.  Send it to us and, as long as it isn’t “inappropriate” in some way (a caveat that’s necessary when it comes to dating), we’ll post it right here and share it with the world.

*By the way, this was Leslie’s favorite video.  What’s yours?

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Filed under No More Excuses, No More Regrets, Offline Dating, Online Dating, The Single Life, video