Category Archives: Worth the Effort

Inertia

Inertia. It’s the state of not moving or not changing direction. Sometimes it’s so easy to find yourself there. You’re just going along going along.  Being where you’re supposed to be when you’re supposed to be there. Taking the path of least resistance.

But sooner or later, someone or something needs to shake you out of it. Maybe it’s a movie that inspires you to do something new. Maybe it’s a change in the weather. Maybe it’s something you read. (A blog, perhaps?)

So, I ask you…have you done something completely unexpected lately? Or are you coasting through your days, crossing things off your “to do” list without giving a thought to your bucket list. Don’t put yourself last. Choose one thing this week, a simple thing but something you didn’t do last week or the week  before. Do it because you want to do it. Bring someone with you and shake them out of their rut, too.

Put it on your “to do” list if you have to.

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Filed under Advice, Worth the Effort

Connectivity

I woke up this morning with a headache. And then, to make matters worse, I tried to connect to the Internet and my network “wasn’t available.”

Yesterday, I ended my blog with “connection is why we are here,” and today—no connection.

So I did what I always do when this happens. I tried again.

“None of your preferred networks are available.”

Now, I am a one-network woman.  And when I can’t connect with my network, it makes me very grumpy.  Not to mention, this headache means I am in no mood to deal with a needy network.

I tried again. I restarted the computer. I completely shut it down and then started the computer.  Stubbornly, I tried and I tried and finally considered what the computer was telling me.

“Connection timeout.”

Hmm…maybe I should just accept it.  Time for a new relationship…uh, I mean connection.

But hey, maybe I should try someone else’s network.  That might satisfy me for a while.  I had a few other choices, they were right there in front of me.  But they were someone else’s connections and I’ve heard that using someone else’s connection can lead to viruses.

Annoyed, frustrated, and rejected, I decided I would leave this relationship, I mean connection, completely.  I would head to Starbucks and find a new connection, one that wasn’t anyone else’s.  One that would be there for me when I need him, I mean it. One that was available and ready to connect.

But before heading out to find that new connection, I sat down to write this—realizing that it was okay to spend some time unconnected—comfortable in the knowledge that I would be able to connect later.

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Filed under The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Free Parking

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This video presents a modern fable about giving love and getting it back. It’s a little long but I guarantee you it will leave you smiling…today and every time you go to get your parking validated.

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Filed under Inspiration, Love, video, Worth the Effort

Former PC Meets Forever Mac: Could This Be You?

You are a recent convert, having made the switch from PC to Mac right after leaving the corporate world for a small, boutique business of your own. Unfortunately, leaving the corner cubicle also means losing your IT support.

And so, you find yourself in a line at the “genius bar,” wondering if these Mac fanatics are just a little too full of themselves. Finally, it’s your turn and you realize why it took awhile. This guy treats you like you’re his only customer. He makes eye contact, something the IT guy in the old office could never manage to do (creepy!), asks you what your problem is, and then proceeds to show you everything you need to know.

And then, he invites you to come back. Not in that “have a nice day, come again” robotic sort of way, but specifically asks you to make another appointment so that he can give you a personal tour of your own computer and its many cool features. Having definitely warmed up to Mr. Mac, you make a lame “your place or mine?” joke but he appears not to have heard it as he types in the appointment on your calendar so you won’t forget.

After a week of thinking about this Mac guru, you’re ready for the next appointment. You arrive. He’s there, and he gives you the full tour. And then what? You can’t exactly prolong the conversation since there are people waiting for their appointments. No way do you have the guts to write out your phone number and suggest he call.

So you go home. And you think about Macho Mac more than once. You find excuses to go to the mall in hopes he’ll take a coffee break. You even go into the store and browse, but he doesn’t even notice you. In fact, he’s busy giving another very attractive new Mac owner a tour of her computer.

Eventually, you hear about this new dating trend—Greenlight Cards. The idea is to give a card to someone to let him know you’ve sensed some chemistry and would like to go out.

Hmm, you think, now when exactly would I use those?

And then you think of the Mac guy. (Again.)

And you open up that cool new laptop of yours and go online to order some Greenlight Cards and some very complicated new software.

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Filed under Dating Unplugged, Greenlighting, Inspiration, No More Excuses, No More Regrets, Offline Dating, The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Single Dad Meets Single Mom: Could This Be You?

You, a single dad who always feels a little out of place when it comes to the daytime playground scene, is nevertheless at the playground with your son and you see a woman there with her two kids. You’re just a little bit smitten by the way she gets on all fours to chase her kids around the slide, ignoring all the other moms who sit on a bench watching their kids from a distance.

You watch as she and the kids plop themselves at a picnic table, sweaty and tired. You tell your son it’s break time and take a nearby table. You smile. She smiles. You and your son share some water and cookies. Another glance, long enough to check for a wedding ring. There isn’t one. Another smile.

You want to start up a conversation but feel more than a little awkward, especially with all the kids around, and the other moms on their benches. Just as you work up the courage to ask her how old her kids are, she gets up to chase one of them and then the moment is over. Your son is ready to leave. He’s cranky and by the time you get home, you’re a little cranky yourself.

So what do you do?

You go back to the playground a few days later, same time of day. She isn’t there.

But the next time she is–and you’re ready. You’ve thought about this moment, about how to start the conversation, and with practically no effort at all, it starts. The kids play and you manage to find out that she’s not married. You manage to mention that you aren’t either.

But once again, playtime is over and you’re not that much further along. All those other moms have you pretty spooked. You feel so obvious. And you don’t want to embarrass this woman in front of her kids, or be embarrassed in front of, or by, your own—the human megaphone who manages, at 4 years old, to tell the most innocent yet mortifying stories about you to your ex, your neighbor and the UPS guy…

This, my friend, is one of many perfect opportunities to use a Greenlight Card.

Respectful. Subtle. Simple.

As you help her pack up the snacks, you look her in the eye, hand her the card, smile and say “this has been fun, see you later.”

“…Alligator!!!” says the megaphone.

And you’re out of there.

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Filed under Greenlighting, No More Regrets, Offline Dating, The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Ages and Stages

Two big milestones are coming up in my family. My mother is turning 70 and my father is retiring. Both are fun loving, healthy people who embrace life to its fullest, although both are a little wary of these milestones.

My mother isn’t one to be defined by her age, but she also doesn’t particularly like to be confronted by it. It’s not surprising, since 70 sounds much older than she appears or acts or feels.  So no, she doesn’t like the sound of this birthday, but we will celebrate it, nevertheless. Because life is worth celebrating, a lesson I happened to learn from my parents.

Which brings me to my father. To a large extent, his profession, psychology, has defined who he is. Closing his practice, even if he has no plans to sit still, seems entirely foreign to him. He’s excited to have the chance to do new and different things, yet he’s just not sure what his life will be like or how his days or weeks or months will be structured. That’s a scary feeling. As a psychologist, he could give you great advice on how to handle and enjoy this transitional moment in your life. Whether he can advise himself is another question.

So will we celebrate the retirement? I hope so, because my parents also taught me that achievement is worth celebrating.

No one is going to feel bad for a healthy, happy couple celebrating birthdays and retirement, nor should they. Nevertheless, it’s an emotional time for my parents and I’m glad they have each other to lean on as they figure out how the next chapter in their lives should play out. They’re lucky. And they know it.

The chance to have one person who understands you and is there for you, in good times and bad but most important, during all the in-between times, makes going on that next blind date worth it, don’t you think?

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Filed under Love, Worth the Effort

Should Your Friend Find You Dates?

I was talking to a woman on the phone the other day and she wanted to know about Greenlight Card. She listened politely, she asked questions, she talked about her frustrations with meeting people. Finally, she spilled it. What she really wanted was to meet someone through a friend. She felt like she knew a lot of people, none of whom met the critical criteria of being both available and of romantic interest to her. So, in her mind, the only way she’d meet someone to go out with would be through a friend.

I happen to agree that meeting someone through a friend can be a great thing. It’s sort of like picking someone who comes with a seal of approval—and the seal of approval is bestowed upon you, too. But going out with a friend of a friend can also be, well, not such a great thing. If you break up, the drama could spill over into your friendship with the matchmaker. Or you might waste more time than you would otherwise trying to make something work when the chemistry just isn’t there—because you don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings, or the friend of your friend’s feelings. When the match is right, it’s great. When it’s wrong, it can get a little messy.

So the answer is…and you knew this was coming…you have to put yourself out there. But the good news is, that friend whom you may not want to set you up, can absolutely help you meet new people.

Enlist your friend to be your wingman.  (Now, let me just make it clear that despite the fact that “man” is part of the word, the wingman I am talking about is not gender specific. Man or woman, take your pick.)

Your friend’s mission is not to introduce you to someone he or she knows, but to get you out and about.

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you the attributes of a great wingman, so you can pick the friend who is most qualified for wingman status. Don’t forget to check back in.

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Filed under Advice, Dating Unplugged, Offline Dating, The Single Life, Wingman, Worth the Effort