Category Archives: Worth the Effort


Inertia. It’s the state of not moving or not changing direction. Sometimes it’s so easy to find yourself there. You’re just going along going along.  Being where you’re supposed to be when you’re supposed to be there. Taking the path of least resistance.

But sooner or later, someone or something needs to shake you out of it. Maybe it’s a movie that inspires you to do something new. Maybe it’s a change in the weather. Maybe it’s something you read. (A blog, perhaps?)

So, I ask you…have you done something completely unexpected lately? Or are you coasting through your days, crossing things off your “to do” list without giving a thought to your bucket list. Don’t put yourself last. Choose one thing this week, a simple thing but something you didn’t do last week or the week  before. Do it because you want to do it. Bring someone with you and shake them out of their rut, too.

Put it on your “to do” list if you have to.

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Filed under Advice, Worth the Effort


I woke up this morning with a headache. And then, to make matters worse, I tried to connect to the Internet and my network “wasn’t available.”

Yesterday, I ended my blog with “connection is why we are here,” and today—no connection.

So I did what I always do when this happens. I tried again.

“None of your preferred networks are available.”

Now, I am a one-network woman.  And when I can’t connect with my network, it makes me very grumpy.  Not to mention, this headache means I am in no mood to deal with a needy network.

I tried again. I restarted the computer. I completely shut it down and then started the computer.  Stubbornly, I tried and I tried and finally considered what the computer was telling me.

“Connection timeout.”

Hmm…maybe I should just accept it.  Time for a new relationship…uh, I mean connection.

But hey, maybe I should try someone else’s network.  That might satisfy me for a while.  I had a few other choices, they were right there in front of me.  But they were someone else’s connections and I’ve heard that using someone else’s connection can lead to viruses.

Annoyed, frustrated, and rejected, I decided I would leave this relationship, I mean connection, completely.  I would head to Starbucks and find a new connection, one that wasn’t anyone else’s.  One that would be there for me when I need him, I mean it. One that was available and ready to connect.

But before heading out to find that new connection, I sat down to write this—realizing that it was okay to spend some time unconnected—comfortable in the knowledge that I would be able to connect later.

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Filed under The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Free Parking


This video presents a modern fable about giving love and getting it back. It’s a little long but I guarantee you it will leave you smiling…today and every time you go to get your parking validated.

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Filed under Inspiration, Love, video, Worth the Effort

Former PC Meets Forever Mac: Could This Be You?

You are a recent convert, having made the switch from PC to Mac right after leaving the corporate world for a small, boutique business of your own. Unfortunately, leaving the corner cubicle also means losing your IT support.

And so, you find yourself in a line at the “genius bar,” wondering if these Mac fanatics are just a little too full of themselves. Finally, it’s your turn and you realize why it took awhile. This guy treats you like you’re his only customer. He makes eye contact, something the IT guy in the old office could never manage to do (creepy!), asks you what your problem is, and then proceeds to show you everything you need to know.

And then, he invites you to come back. Not in that “have a nice day, come again” robotic sort of way, but specifically asks you to make another appointment so that he can give you a personal tour of your own computer and its many cool features. Having definitely warmed up to Mr. Mac, you make a lame “your place or mine?” joke but he appears not to have heard it as he types in the appointment on your calendar so you won’t forget.

After a week of thinking about this Mac guru, you’re ready for the next appointment. You arrive. He’s there, and he gives you the full tour. And then what? You can’t exactly prolong the conversation since there are people waiting for their appointments. No way do you have the guts to write out your phone number and suggest he call.

So you go home. And you think about Macho Mac more than once. You find excuses to go to the mall in hopes he’ll take a coffee break. You even go into the store and browse, but he doesn’t even notice you. In fact, he’s busy giving another very attractive new Mac owner a tour of her computer.

Eventually, you hear about this new dating trend—Greenlight Cards. The idea is to give a card to someone to let him know you’ve sensed some chemistry and would like to go out.

Hmm, you think, now when exactly would I use those?

And then you think of the Mac guy. (Again.)

And you open up that cool new laptop of yours and go online to order some Greenlight Cards and some very complicated new software.


Filed under Dating Unplugged, Greenlighting, Inspiration, No More Excuses, No More Regrets, Offline Dating, The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Single Dad Meets Single Mom: Could This Be You?

You, a single dad who always feels a little out of place when it comes to the daytime playground scene, is nevertheless at the playground with your son and you see a woman there with her two kids. You’re just a little bit smitten by the way she gets on all fours to chase her kids around the slide, ignoring all the other moms who sit on a bench watching their kids from a distance.

You watch as she and the kids plop themselves at a picnic table, sweaty and tired. You tell your son it’s break time and take a nearby table. You smile. She smiles. You and your son share some water and cookies. Another glance, long enough to check for a wedding ring. There isn’t one. Another smile.

You want to start up a conversation but feel more than a little awkward, especially with all the kids around, and the other moms on their benches. Just as you work up the courage to ask her how old her kids are, she gets up to chase one of them and then the moment is over. Your son is ready to leave. He’s cranky and by the time you get home, you’re a little cranky yourself.

So what do you do?

You go back to the playground a few days later, same time of day. She isn’t there.

But the next time she is–and you’re ready. You’ve thought about this moment, about how to start the conversation, and with practically no effort at all, it starts. The kids play and you manage to find out that she’s not married. You manage to mention that you aren’t either.

But once again, playtime is over and you’re not that much further along. All those other moms have you pretty spooked. You feel so obvious. And you don’t want to embarrass this woman in front of her kids, or be embarrassed in front of, or by, your own—the human megaphone who manages, at 4 years old, to tell the most innocent yet mortifying stories about you to your ex, your neighbor and the UPS guy…

This, my friend, is one of many perfect opportunities to use a Greenlight Card.

Respectful. Subtle. Simple.

As you help her pack up the snacks, you look her in the eye, hand her the card, smile and say “this has been fun, see you later.”

“…Alligator!!!” says the megaphone.

And you’re out of there.

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Filed under Greenlighting, No More Regrets, Offline Dating, The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Ages and Stages

Two big milestones are coming up in my family. My mother is turning 70 and my father is retiring. Both are fun loving, healthy people who embrace life to its fullest, although both are a little wary of these milestones.

My mother isn’t one to be defined by her age, but she also doesn’t particularly like to be confronted by it. It’s not surprising, since 70 sounds much older than she appears or acts or feels.  So no, she doesn’t like the sound of this birthday, but we will celebrate it, nevertheless. Because life is worth celebrating, a lesson I happened to learn from my parents.

Which brings me to my father. To a large extent, his profession, psychology, has defined who he is. Closing his practice, even if he has no plans to sit still, seems entirely foreign to him. He’s excited to have the chance to do new and different things, yet he’s just not sure what his life will be like or how his days or weeks or months will be structured. That’s a scary feeling. As a psychologist, he could give you great advice on how to handle and enjoy this transitional moment in your life. Whether he can advise himself is another question.

So will we celebrate the retirement? I hope so, because my parents also taught me that achievement is worth celebrating.

No one is going to feel bad for a healthy, happy couple celebrating birthdays and retirement, nor should they. Nevertheless, it’s an emotional time for my parents and I’m glad they have each other to lean on as they figure out how the next chapter in their lives should play out. They’re lucky. And they know it.

The chance to have one person who understands you and is there for you, in good times and bad but most important, during all the in-between times, makes going on that next blind date worth it, don’t you think?

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Filed under Love, Worth the Effort

Should Your Friend Find You Dates?

I was talking to a woman on the phone the other day and she wanted to know about Greenlight Card. She listened politely, she asked questions, she talked about her frustrations with meeting people. Finally, she spilled it. What she really wanted was to meet someone through a friend. She felt like she knew a lot of people, none of whom met the critical criteria of being both available and of romantic interest to her. So, in her mind, the only way she’d meet someone to go out with would be through a friend.

I happen to agree that meeting someone through a friend can be a great thing. It’s sort of like picking someone who comes with a seal of approval—and the seal of approval is bestowed upon you, too. But going out with a friend of a friend can also be, well, not such a great thing. If you break up, the drama could spill over into your friendship with the matchmaker. Or you might waste more time than you would otherwise trying to make something work when the chemistry just isn’t there—because you don’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings, or the friend of your friend’s feelings. When the match is right, it’s great. When it’s wrong, it can get a little messy.

So the answer is…and you knew this was coming…you have to put yourself out there. But the good news is, that friend whom you may not want to set you up, can absolutely help you meet new people.

Enlist your friend to be your wingman.  (Now, let me just make it clear that despite the fact that “man” is part of the word, the wingman I am talking about is not gender specific. Man or woman, take your pick.)

Your friend’s mission is not to introduce you to someone he or she knows, but to get you out and about.

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you the attributes of a great wingman, so you can pick the friend who is most qualified for wingman status. Don’t forget to check back in.


Filed under Advice, Dating Unplugged, Offline Dating, The Single Life, Wingman, Worth the Effort

Drivin’ In My Car…

When I worked at a video production company, my boss went through an analogy phase. No script was complete without one. Typically, we had only a short amount of time to explain a complex idea, so a good analogy could make all the difference.

Will an analogy change your dating life for the better? Um, maybe not, but having been programmed to look for them, I can’t help but notice them. And I think they’re kind of fun to think about.

Yesterday, I needed to go somewhere. A few minutes into the ride, I realized that instead of heading where I needed to go, I was instead heading in the same direction I’d gone the day before. I was on autopilot.

Catch a ride in's Love Bug!

So, I realized my mistake, lost a few minutes, but was able to reposition myself to head for the proper destination. It was someplace I’d been to many times before, but because I had started out heading the wrong way, I had to follow a different route to get there. Along the way, I saw some interesting shops and got some new landscaping ideas.

And by the time I arrived in the right place, I had also mulled over some little life lessons sparked along the way.

  1. To get where you want to go, you have to know where you are headed and you have to pay attention to what it takes to get there. As soon as you find yourself heading where you’ve been before, instead of where you want to go, change your direction.
  2. Going the wrong way is okay if you are open to enjoying a circuitous route to getting back on track.
  3. Don’t follow the same paths all the time. Even when you’re going to the same old places, taking a new route to get there can yield fun surprises. If you’re on foot instead of in a car, interesting new people (instead of shops and landscapes) might even catch your eye.
  4. Ignore your friends who criticize your horrible sense of direction and redirect them to appreciate your sense of style instead. Oops, this last one really was all about me, not life and dating, wasn’t it?

Yep, life is one big analogy. I hope the roads you choose take you where you want to go, and that you enjoy the drive along the way. Happy trails…

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Filed under Inspiration, No More Regrets, The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Timing is Everything

Ever notice how much of our lives centers around time?

We complain about never having enough time.

We complain about having too much time on our hands.

Time moves too fast. Time crawls.

Time keeps on ticking, ticking, ticking…into the future.

And then there is timing. Most people who get what they want work hard, but still, you’ve got to admit, they also have a knack for timing. Bet you can think of at least one wealthy friend (or maybe it’s you) who got in or out of the stock market or made the right real estate investments just at the perfect time.

And the person who gets the best assignments or makes the speediest rise to the top? Usually it’s someone who managed to be in the right place at the right time. It takes good work to get noticed. But don’t underestimate that right place, right time thing.

These days, people go online and think they can shop for a date…or a husband or wife or lifelong partner…the way they shop for dinner or a new outfit.

And sometimes it works. But for every one person who tells me they found that perfect someone online, at least two want to sit me down to hear stories of lies, lack of interest and wasted time.

Wasted time.

We don’t want that, so we’re back to timing. Greenlight Cards do sort of depend on the right timing. In this e-world we live in now, it may seem fatalistic or charmingly old fashioned to think that you might just run into the person who’s right for you. But, hey, it happened that way for many, many years, and it really does continue to happen.

Sure, the right timing makes all the difference, but timing isn’t just luck. It’s about paying attention. It’s about putting yourself out there.

The timing will never be right if you stay hidden behind your desk or don’t buy into the stock market or stay home all weekend long.

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Filed under Greenlighting, No More Regrets, The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Rejecting Rejection

You’ve experienced rejection, right? Who hasn’t?

In fact, if you haven’t, don’t tell me about it, because rejection breeds insecurity and I’m insecure enough not to want to hear from people who have somehow escaped experiencing rejection.

So the question is, how do you handle rejection? Because if you decide how you’re going to deal with rejection before it happens, then rejection loses most of its power over you.

Fear of rejection is what prevents people from doing things. But accepting the reality that rejection happens means there’s nothing to be afraid of anymore. It may hurt, but you’re ready for it. Kind of the way boot camp hurt today, but my muscles are now stronger than they were last week.

So, how do you prepare for rejection in advance? First, focus on what’s good about you and your life: your enviable job (these days, if you have one, it’s coveted by someone), your home (which you don’t have to decorate to anyone else’s tastes but your own), your taste in clothes (just like your home, it’s your taste, not someone else’s…and you’re oh so cool), your hair (perfectly coiffed or perfectly mussed, it’s your perfect do), your car (as long as it runs, it gets you where you want to go), your kick-ass attitude (bolstered by reading blogs like this one and joining, and your intelligence (for coming to the realization that the one who rejected you is the loser, not you).

Then have a little fun thinking ugly thoughts about the person who rejected you. Personal appearance and those weird little quirks (Was that a hair on her chin? Doesn’t he know that the 70s are over?) are all fair game.

There. Now you’re ready. If you put yourself out there and you’re rejected, take one minute to feel the pain (ouch!), then go to your rejection-repellant plan and move on, with the confidence that the next person you meet just might be the one who makes all the rejection worth it.

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Filed under Rejection, The Single Life, Worth the Effort