Category Archives: No More Regrets

Ouch! Sometimes It Hurts To Think So Hard…

It’s a beautiful day in Tampa, Florida (my apologies to all of you who are dealing with snow and gray skies!), so instead of sitting down at my computer to think about what to write today, I decided to take a little run/walk and think along the way.  I came up with a million things to write about (ok, maybe seven) but finally, what dominated my thoughts was…how much time I spend thinking about everything.

And I wonder if you’re the same way.

In my mind (or to be more honest, in my dreams) I’m impulsive and spontaneous.  I see something I want and without a second thought I go for it.

In reality, I analyze.  I analyze why I want what I want and consider alternatives to the object of my desire.  I weigh how much I want it and what it will cost me (literally and figuratively).  I think about whether I should just wait–if it’s still there and I still want it later, then maybe it’s truly meant to be mine.

With any luck, you’re reading this and thinking “she’s crazy.”  But if you’re thinking “yeah, I do the same thing,” then keep reading.  Because I think this thoughtfulness, this penchant for analysis, this obsession with making sure we make the best possible choices is a serious detriment when it comes to dating.

Dating is easier when you don’t think so much.

Stop worrying about what it means that she was a little weird when you said good night–call her again, anyway.

Stop wondering if he’s interested in you as a girl-friend or a friend-friend and let him know what you’re interested in.

Stop obsessing over whether the flirtatious comment was really meant to be flirtatious and just assume it was.

There’s an easy way to end the “should I or shouldn’t I?” cycle and the painful second-guessing about what to say or how to act– just give someone a Greenlight Card.  It’s not a proposal of marriage, it’s a simple statement of interest.  It’s a compliment that could lead to a date that could lead to more dates that could lead to a relationship.

Oops, there I go again!

What I want you to do is stop right there at “it’s a compliment.”  Don’t think so far ahead.  In fact, stop thinking at all and just act on impulse and see what happens.

Greenlighting works best if  you just do it.

That’s really one of the main reasons to carry Greenlight Cards–they increase the likelihood that you’ll act instead of just thinking about it.  And thinking about it.  And thinking about it.

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Filed under Greenlighting, No More Regrets

Which Came First, the Rally or the Meetup?

The rally came first, of course. Patty, one of the brilliant minds behind Greenlight Card, was getting her nightly Jon Stewart fix when he announced his plans for the Rally to Restore Sanity. She instantly went online to make travel arrangements and to encourage a group of girlfriends to join her.

Liz, the other brilliant mind behind Greenlight Card who is always up for anything, said “I’m there.”

And me? I (Gerri, Greenlight Card’s official mouthpiece) was my typical skeptical and somewhat non-committal self and wondered if the rally was a real thing or just a comedy routine.

One thing’s for sure, I told Patty (who’s single). You have to bring your Greenlight Cards with you. If this thing is real, you’ll be part of a huge group of “like-minded” people who are gathered in one spot. Who knows who you might meet?!

And then I listened to what I was saying and thought of you, my readers, who I assume are mostly single people hoping to meet other “like-minded” single people, too.

Now, the Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear may not be your thing. Maybe you were more into the Glenn Beck rally. Or maybe you wouldn’t be caught dead in a big group of gung-ho know-it-all people, no matter what their beliefs.

The point is, the whole idea behind Greenlight Card is to carry your cards so you’re ready. Because we think there’s a good chance you’ll meet someone interesting while going about your life, doing what you love to do.

So if a reasonable rally is drawing you to D.C., don’t you think you ought to be prepared?

But what if you haven’t signed up at GreenlightCard.com? What if you don’t already have our modernized version of the Victorian calling card, which both enables and empowers you to let someone know you’re interested?

That’s what led to our idea for the meetup. So we went online and created a meetup group, DC Single, and worked our connections to find an amazing place to gather—Co Co. Sala. (a cocktail and chocolate lounge-what could be better than that?). Patty, Liz and I will be there from 6 – 8 p.m. on Friday, October 29th.  Here’s what you can expect if you join us at our DC meetup:

➢    We’ll be giving out free drinks to people who participate in short, fun video interviews
➢    Already a member? Flash us your Greenlight Card and we’ll give you free chocolate
➢    Not yet a member? We’re giving away free, no obligation, GreenlightCard.com memberships that you can activate immediately

That last part—the free membership giveaway—is the most important reason for the meetup. We want to make sure that if you hit it off with someone at the meetup on Friday, the Rally on Saturday, the bus on Sunday, or anywhere in between, you can give them your Greenlight Card and head home with no regrets about something that “might have been” if only you’d had the nerve to make a move.

Can’t wait to meet some of our readers—and to see who gets the Greenlight from Patty.

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You just stumbled on this blog and don’t have a clue what Greenlight Card is?  Click here for more info.

You want to know more details about the meetup? Click here for more info.

You’re ready to rsvp for the meetup? Click here to let us know you’re coming.

You want to follow our up-to-the-minute updates on all things dating, including our experiences at the Rally?  “Like” our Facebook page and follow our tweets @greenlightcard

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Filed under Dating Unplugged, DC Single Meetup, meetup, No More Regrets, Offline Dating, Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear

Seeking

I read a story in the newspaper today about a woman who has been looking for a job for more than a year.  She held several good jobs before being laid off – a victim of the economy.  Even though she did nothing wrong, even though she was not in any way to blame for losing her job, being unemployed has taken a huge toll on her self-esteem.

In many ways, being laid off and finding yourself newly single are really similar, don’t you think?  There’s the anger (why did this happen to me?), the self-blame (I must have done something wrong), the loss of structure and rituals in your day, and — assuming you want to get back out there — the need to “sell” yourself.  Your self-esteem is definitely at risk.  So how do you handle it?

Well, let’s go back to the woman in the article.  After a year of looking, she was really frustrated, as you can imagine.  But she was still trying.  And then one day out of the blue, as she was sitting at a restaurant dutifully scanning through job listings, she struck up a conversation with a man at the next table.

No, he didn’t turn out to be her soul mate or even a potential employer.  But he did have an idea.  He suggested they throw a “pink slip party” — a party that brings employers, recruiters and job seekers together.  The pink slip party gave the woman a purpose.  She was excited to focus on a project that could help herself and other people, too.

Throughout her job hunt, she’d been uncomfortable selling herself, and she still felt that way at the party.  When recruiters asked her about herself, she gave them only a glimpse.  But then, as the party got underway, as she introduced speakers and kept the party going, she was noticed.  The character traits listed on her resume came to life.  The party didn’t end with a fairy-tale match, but she did wake up the next day with new contacts to call.

And I think the story is a good lesson for all of us.  Her job search was jumpstarted by a combination of happenstance and effort.  Her confidence returned when she threw herself into doing something different.  And her best traits showed through when she was busy being herself.

There’s one big difference between looking for a job and looking for a relationship, though.  Most of us need a job to pay our bills — not finding one is usually not an option.

On the other hand, you can give up on the search for a relationship.

You can, but I hope you don’t.

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Filed under Confidence, Inspiration, No More Excuses, No More Regrets

Awkward Encounters

Just the other day, Village Voice blogger Leslie Minora called dating calling cards an example of the way “the Internet dating world keeps one-upping itself with newfangled ways to have awkward encounters with strangers.”

Ouch!  That hurts, especially since the whole idea behind Greenlight Cards is to avoid awkward encounters.  I mean, what’s more awkward than trying to find the words to let someone know you’re interested in getting to know them better?  The words always sound smooth and natural in your head but often don’t come out that way, if they come out at all.  And asking outright means at least one of you will feel awkward if the interest is one-sided.

Thanks to a well-placed exclamation point, the sarcasm practically oozes off the screen when Leslie later says that the receiver of a dating calling card can “start conversation that can, ideally, lead to a perfect match!”

Here’s the thing–online dating sites are drawing millions of people in with the idea of finding their perfect match online.  We don’t think anyone’s perfect, but we absolutely understand the desire to meet “the one.”  The one who doesn’t try to be perfect but is just right for you.  The one you want to make happy and vice versa.  And why couldn’t “the one” be sitting in your favorite coffee shop or coaching your kid’s soccer team?

Greenlight Cards aren’t about honing in on a perfect match.  They’re about boosting your confidence, providing you with a way to make an impression, and  enabling you to make a promise to yourself to stop letting opportunities pass by without at least seeing what might happen if you put yourself out there a little.  In our “ideal” world, the conversation happens first, then the Greenlight Card, then a date and the chance to see whether the initial attraction you felt might lead to more dates.

Toward the end of Leslie’s blog, you’ll see our videos were deemed “cheesy,” which stung a little.  But then she also posted her favorite*, which is the kind of mixed message that can drive you crazy in a new relationship, right?  (It’s like the person who says “I’m not ready to commit” and then invites you to a family wedding.)

So what do you think about our videos?  I happen to think our touch of “cheese” is quite endearing.  And we’d love to see your own cheesy-or-not video about the challenges of being single.  Send it to us and, as long as it isn’t “inappropriate” in some way (a caveat that’s necessary when it comes to dating), we’ll post it right here and share it with the world.

*By the way, this was Leslie’s favorite video.  What’s yours?

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Filed under No More Excuses, No More Regrets, Offline Dating, Online Dating, The Single Life, video

Former PC Meets Forever Mac: Could This Be You?

You are a recent convert, having made the switch from PC to Mac right after leaving the corporate world for a small, boutique business of your own. Unfortunately, leaving the corner cubicle also means losing your IT support.

And so, you find yourself in a line at the “genius bar,” wondering if these Mac fanatics are just a little too full of themselves. Finally, it’s your turn and you realize why it took awhile. This guy treats you like you’re his only customer. He makes eye contact, something the IT guy in the old office could never manage to do (creepy!), asks you what your problem is, and then proceeds to show you everything you need to know.

And then, he invites you to come back. Not in that “have a nice day, come again” robotic sort of way, but specifically asks you to make another appointment so that he can give you a personal tour of your own computer and its many cool features. Having definitely warmed up to Mr. Mac, you make a lame “your place or mine?” joke but he appears not to have heard it as he types in the appointment on your calendar so you won’t forget.

After a week of thinking about this Mac guru, you’re ready for the next appointment. You arrive. He’s there, and he gives you the full tour. And then what? You can’t exactly prolong the conversation since there are people waiting for their appointments. No way do you have the guts to write out your phone number and suggest he call.

So you go home. And you think about Macho Mac more than once. You find excuses to go to the mall in hopes he’ll take a coffee break. You even go into the store and browse, but he doesn’t even notice you. In fact, he’s busy giving another very attractive new Mac owner a tour of her computer.

Eventually, you hear about this new dating trend—Greenlight Cards. The idea is to give a card to someone to let him know you’ve sensed some chemistry and would like to go out.

Hmm, you think, now when exactly would I use those?

And then you think of the Mac guy. (Again.)

And you open up that cool new laptop of yours and go online to order some Greenlight Cards and some very complicated new software.

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Filed under Dating Unplugged, Greenlighting, Inspiration, No More Excuses, No More Regrets, Offline Dating, The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Single Dad Meets Single Mom: Could This Be You?

You, a single dad who always feels a little out of place when it comes to the daytime playground scene, is nevertheless at the playground with your son and you see a woman there with her two kids. You’re just a little bit smitten by the way she gets on all fours to chase her kids around the slide, ignoring all the other moms who sit on a bench watching their kids from a distance.

You watch as she and the kids plop themselves at a picnic table, sweaty and tired. You tell your son it’s break time and take a nearby table. You smile. She smiles. You and your son share some water and cookies. Another glance, long enough to check for a wedding ring. There isn’t one. Another smile.

You want to start up a conversation but feel more than a little awkward, especially with all the kids around, and the other moms on their benches. Just as you work up the courage to ask her how old her kids are, she gets up to chase one of them and then the moment is over. Your son is ready to leave. He’s cranky and by the time you get home, you’re a little cranky yourself.

So what do you do?

You go back to the playground a few days later, same time of day. She isn’t there.

But the next time she is–and you’re ready. You’ve thought about this moment, about how to start the conversation, and with practically no effort at all, it starts. The kids play and you manage to find out that she’s not married. You manage to mention that you aren’t either.

But once again, playtime is over and you’re not that much further along. All those other moms have you pretty spooked. You feel so obvious. And you don’t want to embarrass this woman in front of her kids, or be embarrassed in front of, or by, your own—the human megaphone who manages, at 4 years old, to tell the most innocent yet mortifying stories about you to your ex, your neighbor and the UPS guy…

This, my friend, is one of many perfect opportunities to use a Greenlight Card.

Respectful. Subtle. Simple.

As you help her pack up the snacks, you look her in the eye, hand her the card, smile and say “this has been fun, see you later.”

“…Alligator!!!” says the megaphone.

And you’re out of there.

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Filed under Greenlighting, No More Regrets, Offline Dating, The Single Life, Worth the Effort

Carol Wants to Follow Up

When Carol heard about Greenlight Cards, she thought they were a great idea for when you meet someone and think there’s a connection, but aren’t quite sure. Give that person a Greenlight Card and find out. Or when you’ve known someone for a while but suddenly start to feel something that wasn’t there before.

Like Carol, I think Greenlight Cards give you an opportunity to open the door to new possibilities. See Carol’s video and then, if you’re so inspired, send us one of your own.

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Filed under Greenlighting, No More Regrets, The Single Life, Uncategorized, video