Settling

And the new-book-release-with-my-LEAST-favorite-title award goes to…..Lori Gottlieb’s Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough.

I hate the title. Hate it. I don’t have a problem with the “Mr. Good Enough” part. It’s the word “settling.” Ouch.

I’ve done my time in the public relations world, so I understand the PR value of the title. And the title did everything it was meant to do—attract attention and generate buzz. While it backfired in my case, since I refused to read the book, on a macro scale, it definitely hit the mark. I can’t help thinking about that book that came out years ago, The Rules. I didn’t read that one either, but everyone was all riled up about it and those women sold a lot of books.

But back to Mr. Good Enough. You see, I’m having second thoughts and may read the book after all. It’s not that I’m lowering my standards, it’s just that I watched Lori talk about her book.

So take a few minutes to watch my friend (and Greenlight Card member) Lisa’s interview, and then I’ll get back to what I was saying.

Having done my time in the video production world, too, I’m not a huge fan of Skype interviews. Bad lighting. Weird, looking down at you, angles. Tinny, echo-y sound. Yet, despite all that, I thought Lori came across as a pretty warm, down-to-earth person who has done her research.

She explains that Mr. Good Enough is Mr. Right. (And the same goes in reverse-Ms. Good Enough is Ms. Right, but Lori seems to have found that it’s women, not men, who hold pie-in-the-sky standards over potential partners.)

I really think it comes down to recognizing what you’ve got instead of obsessing over little things that may be missing. Everything you want doesn’t have to come from one person. Your life partner may hate adventure movies. If you love them, then you either agree to take turns picking the movie or better yet, see every adventure movie you want to see. You’ve got friends, right? And don’t underestimate time spent alone. You should never let go of friends, or yourself for that matter, just because you’re in a relationship. (And yes, I know the movie example is a pretty easy-to-solve dilemma, but I bet you can apply it to your other relationship qualifications, too.)

My favorite part of Lori’s interview is when she talks about chemistry. We talk about chemistry a lot at Greenlight Card. We tell our members to be on the lookout for chemistry and to act on it. Physical attraction is a huge part of chemistry, but as Lori points out, feeling all hot and bothered is not the only part of real, lifetime-interest-sustaining chemistry. Chemistry is about “getting each other.” When you luck into the right chemistry, you are free to be completely yourself with that person and vice versa. The two of you may not agree all the time (how boring would that be?) and you may not always live up to each other’s expectations (that’s where the importance of communication comes in!) but overall, on average, you bring out the best in each other and you bring happiness to each other’s lives. What more can you ask for than that?

Oh, and for the record, I still hate the word “settling.” May you never feel like you are settling!!

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Filed under Advice, books, Inspiration, Interviews, The Single Life, video

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