I spend a lot of time checking out what other people have to say about dating and love and relationships. From time to time, I’ll be featuring short interviews with some of the people I follow. So today, I invite you to meet Elizabeth Ann Persimmons–you can call her Liz. She writes for examiner.com.
In her own words: Liz knows a little about relationships and sex. She’s been married, divorced, and contracted countless stories of failure and success while pursuing almost every avenue of dating. These experiences incited her to start a blog relaying her trials and tribulations to the reading public. And all before she was 27. For the real truth on love, life, and the pursuit of better sex (or hey, worse sex, we’re not judging), please e-mail Liz.
So here’s what I learned from Liz:
Olive Juice: How did you become a dating expert?
Liz: I believe that the secret to being a dating expert is to learn from each experience, and not make the same mistake twice. As a result, even though I have been in a lot of relationships, they have all been different. Five years ago I was breaking up with a guy because I found out he was starring in amatuer porn online; just this week I broke up with my boyfriend because I was mature enough to realize we were in different places and it just wasn’t going to work out long term. Now that’s what I call progress.
Olive Juice: How would you describe what it’s like to be single today?
Liz: Honestly, it’s great. There are few taboos on sex outside of marriage (unlike the 1950’s), there are more ways to meet people online (unlike the 1980’s) and we live longer so you have the chance to meet more people (unlike the life expectancy of those in the 1400’s).
Olive Juice: What’s the greatest challenge for single people who are serious about wanting to meet their soul mate?
Liz: People have a very strong idea of what they want in a person. Their greatest challenge is getting that checklist out of their head, and being the type of person they want to meet. Also, I dislike that you used the term “soul mate” in your question. There are 6 billion people in the world. People who think one person is their be-all, end-all aren’t seeing the bigger picture, and thus scare potential daters off because they are so set on one goal, instead of focusing on how they can be whatever quality it is they want (ambitious, physically active, etc).
Olive Juice: What’s the most common thing people who want to meet other single people do wrong?
Liz: Make quick judgements before meeting someone (from an online profile), and after meeting someone, not listening to their gut. Meet anyone who isn’t absolutely repulsive, online profiles or quick chats in bars don’t give you an idea of who the person is. But after a few dates, if you don’t like the person or you like them but you can see they aren’t ready for a relationship–let it go. Don’t waste time. As I mentioned, there are six billion people.
Olive Juice: What’s the best advice you can give to someone who says they just can’t meet anyone?
Liz: You aren’t trying, your standards are too high, or you are just an awful person. Seriously. Think of it like exercise–if you have a goal of losing weight, you can’t complain if you don’t achieve that goal when you only go to the gym half-heartedly once a week. Try different things–going to different events, or even just saying hi to people. Life isn’t a romantic comedy, so if you want it bad enough, keep dating until you find someone you like. Don’t go on one date per month or less and then complain about being single. Keep in mind there are a lot of idiots out there, so you’re going to need to be prepared to weed through a lot.
Olive Juice: What do you think about the idea behind Greenlight Card–that single people should get out there and flirt–and do what they can to avoid missing out on an opportunity to meet someone they’re attracted to?
Liz: I think that it’s a good theory to live by–don’t miss a chance if you are interested. I’m not sure how the cards will play out though, in this age of technology there are also people just exchanging names in their iPhones and then saying “Facebook me.” On the other hand, now that I am thinking of that, this very well may heighten the intrigue when you first meet someone.